CHAINSAW KILLER

CHAINSAW KILLER 

(For Buckets of Blood)

Chainsaw Wizards (Read This) do all kinds of sparkle-wink-wink cha-cha-cha-chainsaw stuff. Ehhh... You don't know about all that. You like your chainsaw. You like to do a killing. Simple as.

Nosebleed by Ink-Yami


Skills: 1) Cooking & Chainsaw Killing 2) Finance & Chainsaw Killing 3) Lumberjack & Chainsaw Killing

Start with a chainsaw and an uncanny look in your eyes, like the inside of your head is an oubliette. You know that Capital-C-Chainsaws exist, but most of them think you're pond scum.

Each Chainsaw Killer template gives you +2 HP and a cumulative 1-in-6 to Smell Fear.


A) I GO CRAZY WITH A CHAINSAW!!

When you rev that sexy beast up you go hog-in-the-fog with pure chainsaw rage and add your level to attack and damage and why not critical range too. When you get like this you know only one move and it's chainsaw attack. Every attack made against you hits you automatically without a roll, and if you can't chainsaw attack during your turn you scream until you pass out. Your buddies can feed you some gasoline after the fight to wake you back up.

A) SPILL YOUR BRAINS ALL OVER THE FURNITURE

Chainsaw murder victims explode outrageously and shower everything in gobbets of gore and a few identifiable items like severed heads and hands with engagement rings still on them that just fly every which where all higgledy-piggledy. Everyone who sees this saves against fear or freaks the fuck out.

B) STEAL A COUPLE THINGS SO THE COPS THINK I'M A BURGLAR >:3

You can completely hide and clean your chainsaw by sticking it all the way up your ass. This will never hurt you. Trust me. Trust me. More importantly, authorities refuse to believe that you are a chainsaw killer, or indeed that there is anything as preposterous as a career chainsaw killer in a nice town like theirs, until they actually see you do a chainsaw killing. By then it's usually too late.

C) MAKING BURGERS OUT OF YOUR MEAT, YOU FUCKING HERBIVORES

With a grill and cooking utensils you can turn people you chainsaw kill into a delicious meal with an uncanny aftertaste. Nobody who eats it will know the difference, and you can't get any special cannibal diseases like this don't worry. You know all kinds of neat recipes- bone marrow spread, lengua, etc. If it was once part of a screaming flailing human victim, you can make it yummy. If you trick someone into eating human flesh you can track them by smell as long as it's in their body.

D) BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK IN MY CRIB, I KEEP THE CURTAINS DRAWN!

Whenever you go you can find an eerie empty corporate office or twisting shack of rusting scrap metal or windowless concrete facility or some other bloodthirsty spirit of place that calls to your wicked soul. Anyone you manage to lure into that horrible place against their better nature will need to save against doom to escape total chainsaw murder. No attacks needed. If you kill them here they are stuck haunting it as a ghost. If nobody comes to find their body they eventually become a hateful ghost that wants to take revenge on the town that forsook them, which is good if this is a town you also hate.

∆) I HEARD THE ANTICHRIST WAS BORN BUT HE DIED IN A PLANE CRASH

You have to go on a road trip around the world or country or tri-state area or something to find the antichrist. It depends on where they are I guess. Coin flip they're living or dead. If living you have to chainsaw murder them, which is hard because they have spooky powers. If dead you have to cook and eat them which is hard because it's a tricky and temperamental meat to work with and you really gotta babysit the grill. 

Anyway if you do this then you become the new antichrist. All doors open for you like how in the book of revelations they all open for death, but it's even scarier because you also have a chainsaw. Oh and when people fail their save to freak out at your chainsaw murder you can have them go into a homicidal demon rage for a little bit instead and anyone they kill also prompts a save and it just creates a whole orgy of blood and violence and also I lied about putting the chainsaw up your ass.


Comments

  1. De CometisDecember 11, 2021 at 3:54 AM

    I love the style this is written in. Very...distinct from your usual one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SpwackDecember 12, 2021 at 4:41 PM

    Joesky would be proud.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Monsieur Le BattlierDecember 13, 2021 at 5:25 PM

    "That's the thing about *style*. If you can make it, you can break it too!"

    ReplyDelete

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